my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She's the barista slut.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
