How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
