if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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