Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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