walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
