Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
