Im at strip club and am horny
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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