I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
