The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
