I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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