Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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