It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize