At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
