he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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