Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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