I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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