He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
