I'm lost and stupid without you.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
