Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
