Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
