Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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