dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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