Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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