My cat gives me a boner
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm always down for nudity.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize