There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
