i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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