I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
