i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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