I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
