dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize