she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
