remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
