I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
