you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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