Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
