I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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