it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When did angry sex become our thing?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He did a backflip because drugs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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