Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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