70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Panties = found
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize