i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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