i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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