I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
