just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
