I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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