Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
