WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
