My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
