Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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