Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
