So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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