He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
