I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
