idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
