did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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