I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Randomize
