Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
