lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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