its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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