And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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