Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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