you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
