Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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