dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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