i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
