my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
a search helicopter?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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