i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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