She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
