I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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