Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
