can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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