Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
