is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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